Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner.
Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game.
"Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broke and if you don't fix it the food will go bad." Kate said.
Paul yells back, "Who do I look like the GE man, I Don't think so."
A little while later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the hall light, it's out."
"Who do I look like an electrician, I don't think so, " Paul says.
A few minutes later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the porch step before someone gets hurt on it."
Paul quickly replies, "Who do I look like a carpenter, I don't think so."
Frustrated, he gets up and leaves.
He decides to go to a bar down the road.
After the game was over, he began to feel slightly guilty for the way he treated his wife so he went on home.
He comes up the porch and realizes that the step is fixed.
He walked into the house and noticed that the hall light was fixed.
He walked into the kitchen to get a cold beer and noticed that the fridge was fixed.
Paul sees his wife and says, "Babe, how did you fix all this."
She looked at him and said, "Well after you left I began to cry on the porch.
A fine young man walked past and noticed I was crying and he asked me what he could do to help.
He fixed everything.
I asked him what I could do for payment.
He said I could either bake him a cake or sleep with him."
Paul says, "Well, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
Kate looks at him and replies,
"Do I look like Betty Crocker, I don't think so!"
A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only".
Since they were without their boyfriends, they decide to go in. The Doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works..... "We have 5 floors...go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there." "It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside."
So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind"... the friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the Second floor reads "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly". This wasn't going to do.
So the friends move up to the Third floor where the sign read "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."
This was good but there were still two more floors, so on to the Fourth floor, the sign was perfect. "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight"
The women seemed pleased but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they settle for the fourth.
When they reach the Fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
I DON'T THINK SO!
Two hunters were out in the New Jersey woods when one fell to the ground.
He didn;t seem to be breathing and his eyes had rolled back into his head. His friend took out his mobile phone and called the emergency services: 'My friend is dead, what can I do '
The operator tried to calm him. 'Take it easy' I can help. Now first let's be sure your friend is dead.'
There was a brief silnce, followed by a gunshot.
Then the hunter came back on the line: 'OK. Now what '