WHY SOME MEN HAVE DOGS AND NOT WIVES
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit. Ever……
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you
get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just
think it’s interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
If you lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car, and wait
a half hour to open the trunk, only one of them will be happy to see
AND FOR THE LADIES...
50 Reasons Cats Are Better Than Men
* 1. Cats clean themselves everyday
* 2. A cat matures as it grows older.
* 3. Cats rarely miss the litter box.
* 4. Cats don’t hog the covers in bed.
* 5. Cats are inexpensive.
* 6. Cats listen to your problems without interrupting.
* 7. Cats eat out of one bowl and don’t leave lots of dishes around
* 8. Cats leave very few whiskers in the sink.
* 9. Cats comfort you when you are sick.
* 10. Cats don’t leave the toilet seat up.
* 11. At least when they sleep all day they don’t take up the whole
* 12. Cats won’t crush your legs when they sit on your lap.
* 13. Cats keep your ears warm at night.
* 14. Unlike a man, a cat can fend for itself.
* 15. Cats do not drink beer.
* 16. If a cat gets lost, at least it has a tag on it to tell whoever
finds it where it lives.
* 17. A cat is loyal.
* 18. There’s a better chance of finding a cat that is willing to read
a book that doesn’t have any pictures.
* 19. Cats always greet you when you get home.
* 20. A cat’s idea of a good time is a game of string and a good belly
* 21. Cats don’t come with in-laws.
* 22. A cat won’t steal anything but your glasses, your golf balls,
and your heart.
* 23. Cats drink less and snuggle more.
* 24. Each of a cat’s nine lives is worthwhile.
* 25. A cat can’t write checks.
* 26. Cats can entertain themselves.
* 27. Cats are more attractive when they run around naked.
* 28. Cats like to watch “ER” more than a football game.
* 29. You can have an intelligent conversation with a cat.
* 30. Cats actually think with their heads.
* 32. “Meow” is never a lie.
* 33. Cats are more likely to be up to date on their shots.
* 34. They will both stand outside your door and whine indefinitely,
but a cat will stop if you let it in.
* 35. Cats will never use up the last of your shampoo and then
complain that it was the wrong kind.
* 36. Cats seldom go bald with age.
* 37. If a cat fixes yours car brakes, it will do it correctly.
* 38. If cats don’t kow how to do something, they are more likely to
* 39. A cat might bring you household vermin as a present, but never
* 40. Most cats don’t like to drive, so you don’t have to worry about
them crashing your car.
* 41. Cats won’t leave you waiting by the phone.
* 42. To buy a fancy dinner for a cat, you only need to spend 53
* 43. A cat’s friend is more likely to be less annoying.
* 44. Cats won’t leave a ring in your bathtub.
* 45. Cats can’t say, “I love you” without meaning it.
* 46. Cats are ALWAYS cute.
* 47. The only things cats expect you to “put out” are food, water,
and a clean litter box.
* 48. When you leave a cat alone in the house, you know it won’t
invite friends over for beer and pretzels.
* 49. Cats know what kindness is. And last but certainly not least:
* 50. Men are sometimes pigs or asses, but cats are always cats.
WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG?
Cat Hating Husband
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions.