I had another step forward.
I really want my husband/family to do what I say, what I want, want I express. For them to respond to my "Jump!" with, "How high?"
But it has been pointed out to me that this uses people as utensils, that it is verbal force, that it inspires guilt and not cooperation, that it is Violent Communication.... After being so into Marshall Rosenburg and Compassionate Communication and all that, I try and try not to express myself when my wishes really are only demands and management of the situation.
Well, yesterday I felt somehow purged of the demand side, of the impatience, of wanting others to hop to ... whatever I felt needed doing. So, after avoiding the subject of certain tasks for a loooong time, I felt clean and clear enough to say: "I really, really want this to happen. Will you help me?"
Something in that attitude appears to be contagious. Today I got breakfast in bed and coffee laced with chocolate. It was weird. It was nice. It was amazing. And I have new Hope.