As the time in my life came to pass, I became more and more hungry to understand the big picture; how does reality function?, what is GOD? and why I am here? I found the answers everywhere, but I still was never totally satisfied. I studied Buddhism and Taoism, I read the Torah and some of the Kabbalah, I went back and read the Bible (like a good Catholic school boy), I even dabbled in some recreational pharmaceuticals and finally went headlong into Quantum Physics. The answers came to me as quickly as I questioned and I still felt that there was nothing there for me.
My quest has taken in many directions, each bringing me to a new plateau. In my effort to understand Human consciousness, I came to the understanding that the point where the future becomes history must be experience. Consciousness is this point or the experiencer. As the future becomes history, our experience is vies through three basic apertures of consciousness: 1) Focus - where you put to the attention of your mind, then 2) Awareness - things in your mind that are there unintentionally and thirdly 3) Belief - where you are willing to place your faith. It all makes sense to me, but I know that I am more than just this.
I understand now that I based the choices that I’ve made in my life on past experience, what has already happened. These are the things on which I based my opinions and judgment. These habits or patterns may have served me in the past, but now they have been limiting my ability to experience more out of life. It’s time that I made a dramatic life choice. I am going to follow the foot steps of my future self. My future self, the possibility of me reaching my potential exists right now. My future self now guides me and reminds me that I need to be living in the moment, this moment, now. This new thinking opened a whole new perspective. During this sometimes overwhelming period, I came to realize that I had been living my life without purpose. Life without purpose is hardly a life. I sat and meditated on this and suddenly without thinking the words came out of my mouth, “My purpose in life is to bring human awareness to the understanding that there is an alternative to living life in this existence than what we have become accustomed to.” This is what I had been doing all along with my art, writing and music, as if I was building a semantic bridge beyond the world of words. My future self fulfilling my potential has always been there. I AM potential. This lead me to new understanding.
Every new conclusion was accompanied by new questions. Who or what is this "I"? Is it the perceiver of experience or is it the experience of the perceived? I saw the duality, the yin and yang in everything. Truth was surrounded by paradox. I settled on this as being the structure of reality. I'm 43 now and it’s been over 30 years since I first started questioning the universe around me. It's a long time of searching only to discover "nothing". I began seeing the value of NOTHING. Nothing can't be defined or then, it becomes something. Nothing has no beginning or no end... Nothing has no container that can be empty... Nothing’s the lack of anything as if it never have had existed. Everything is manifest from nothing, returns to nothing, and is mostly made of nothing if you look at it from an atomic perspective. Nothing has no opposite, no shape, no form, no function, no absence. It is what separates us and what we all have in common. Love and nothing are the only two things that you can give away and never have less.
Emerging, now knowing there is nothing beyond Self, I can see the value, the quality and the things I defined all were manifest from nothing. I choose my experience of the manifestation by assigning value, quality and meaning. Pain and unhappiness are now optional. Joy is a reality. My caterpillar self is now seeing what the butterfly sees as freedom. There is no world, only the value, quality and meaning that I choose to give experience.
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