Somewhere In The Knight - A Blog Revisited

I pulled this up from my blogs, had forgotten about it...with nearly 2000 blog entries, who wouldn't.

I repost now and dedicate it to my daughter [yes, you "N"], and to YOU all.

Somewhere In The Knight

This was written for another group I belong to, but something said it was sharing....ok, "T" said I should share it....


Ok, this is going to be a rework of the writing I had finished all but a
line of and walked out of the room, when the computer crashed, with the
help of a little black kitten....I knew when Sarah named that thing
"Black Angel" something was up.

I say a rework....it may turn into anything but what it was before...but
then, isn't that the way of everything. Every action becomes something
else, as new data, new experiences come into the picture. The perception
is "reworked"..."refined".

The other story, in a round and about way, was about dancing...getting
"out there". And it was about "karaoke"..., daring to "let it out",
regardless of who was listening, or watching. There was a lot of mixed
in humor of course, but then, it's the humor that can crack open the
doors of ourselves, that we have been "bolted" behind for a long
time...it has been safer there...more secure...it served us as
protection.

We came into this place, wide open, full of wonder, alive, loving;
without fear, without reserve, without restriction.

We were taught, and learned, and experienced, all the reasons to subdue
ourselves. To hide, who we really were. And what we developed were
"persona's"..."masks".

We have a mask for every part of our lives...one for our lover, another
for work. We have one for friends, and one for those we haven't yet put
into a category. Now, they can be interchanged and switch around, even
used together, yet, they are there. And another name for them is, ego.
Ego created them all. Ego has a grand distaste for attack, even for
being identified as such.

Since ego operates from a different set of "operating commands and
structure", based on it's "running processes", experiences unto itself;
you never know what your getting.

The thing is though...once we begin to realize that we are more than any
ego, or the mask, we take over our rightful and natural places...and
operate from that instead. Ego then "works for us", instead of "is us".
Now, we don;t go any lash out or take issue with ego for having run a
muck. In the place we operate from, we actually thank ego, for having
stepped up. We weren't conscious of who we were. Something "got us
through"...even if half banged up and battered, as it were.

No, in our loving way; in our natural way, we have come to remember, and
take back the natural flow of doing. We forgive ego, as "it operated
from what it knew", in no other way did it operate. It had no other data
or information (light).

We have come to "enlighten" it, and claim our place, to restore sanity.

We can now, not only forgive the simple fact, that we were not entirely
present...but we can now even use the tools that the ego created. We
find a new way to use these tools to teach with...ourselves, and even,
sometimes, others.

If you do really want to know anyone else...you have to know YOU first,
at least, be on that journey of discovering who and what you are. And as
you begin to look closer at these mask that have been worn, as something
besides the real you...it might be, that you begin to see, where others
are experiencing their lives from...and when used in constructive ways,
with humor even, we begin to be able to truly relate.

When you can make honest mistakes and be able to, finally, laugh it off,
not take yourself so seriously, the rest of you begins to take
note...even, possibly, the rest of humanity as well.

In part of the original writing of this, I was looking round the
room....

There you are, I see you. You'd be surprised what I can see from this
corner, eyes closed and all. I see a few, which remind me of
myself...not all that long ago time wise. Standing on the edge of the
dance floor, afraid..fearful...something. Something inside of me just
dying to come forth, to get involved...to dance.

I remember myself in this....I must have been about 15-16, maybe it was
even before that, at various times. Inside, I was dancing, and I was
impressing the hell out of myself. Every move, every twist, every turn.
But outside, shields on full. I had no true experience in this. What if
they laughed, or said something, what if I made mistakes, what if I
looked like a complete idiot?

Friends tried and tried to pull me up and out there...not me...no
way...I had an "image" [mask] to keep intact.

It took awhile, but, eventually, I got to that point, where, all the fun
I was having on the inside became more powerful than what I was doing on
the out. In one moment of decision, I broke free. I got up there and
made the biggest fool out of myself anyone had ever witnessed. Oh, they
laughed till they were rolling in the floor....the kids, the parents,
everyone there. And, the strangest thing happened...all the other "me's"
sitting around the floor, even some elderly grandma's sitting and
watching, decided this was just too fun to pass on....everyone jumped
in...and it was fun. I didn't stop dancing, or making a fool of myself,
though, I did get better at the dancing over time.

Which brought me around to karaoke years later. It was the same kind of
thing, but I was much older. And being a bar, you get an idea of how
many attempted to sing from the courage being consumed. I was still
projecting a mask, after all, these were adults, and working men and
women...it was your job to "appear" certain ways. I was prodded to jump
up there and sing with others, who weren't really doing all that well
themselves, but, I was having a great time loving and laughing at their
attempts....they didn't care...they were letting "something" out that
just wouldn't stay in any longer. It took some time, but this began to
dawn on me little by little.

I found myself up on the stage with a few others, all of who were
singing a few words ahead, or behind the monitors script, us all half
falling over our words like a bunch of drunk monkey's who discovered
they could talk, much less sing. Yet, as we began to heat up in our
complete embarrassment, we discovered we didn't care, not one bit.
Everyone was laughing, some actually choking on their drinks...and
everyone, all of them were having fun doing it. A few more went ahead
and tried, just because....

Now, I still can;t sing, but I make up songs about nothing and
everything, as does Sarah now...and we let it flow. Sarah has a lovely
voice, but me....watch out...I sound like a donkey stuck under a wagon
wheel. I make up songs, usually with humor, kind of like the New Zealand
guys on that show..."Flight Of The Concords"...just as stupid....and
just as funny, if even to myself.

So, you see, in "this house"...we learn and laugh and cut up. We love
and heal and enjoy. We share and cry and dream. We do and try and
"live".

I look over at ya now.....yes....YOU. Jump in here. Say boo....print
that quote you love so much...print that poem you wrote when you were
10, write a story, paste an article you ran across that made a
difference for you. Tell about that thing that happened today that made
you cry. Tell about that dream your working on. Let your thoughts fall
across the paper...the screen. Remember your child, your pet, something
new altogether.

And, just so you know...we're going to laugh at you till we're rolling
all over the floor. We're going to cry with you till we're out of
tissue. We're going to dream with you till it comes true. We're going to
love at you, till there is nothing here but love.

I see you....that you in there, just dying to come out and take the
chance. What's the worst thing that can happen?
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


Love D~

"somewhere in the knight, that's what they all say, somewhere in the
knight, makes them all pray, that somewhere in the knight, the insanity,
will endddddddddd.....somewhere in the knight, this is so crazy, that,
somewhere in the knight, we're all going to go insane, somewhere in the
knight, I fell in love with you...." sung to the tune of Frank Sinatra's
"Somewhere In The Night".


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