Im 21 and im afraid of EVERYTHING. I dont want to be i just dont know how or what to do about it. I feel like im going nowhere but im not sure who can help me with all of this. I want to stop being afraid of everything and face my fears. But its not easy on my own. what should i do?




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Comment by Nancy Miller on May 4, 2013 at 9:56pm

Hello Candice... becoming Aware of our suffering is always the first step to finding the help we need, and you already understand that your fear state is related to others who seem to cause it to make it feel more intense.  Fear is learned and is a chemical reaction in the body.  We can begin absorbing it from those around us even in the womb, and when exposed to threatening situations in early life when the primitive brain is in charge of keeping us safe, the chemical surges are especially volatile and become permanent memories that will be retriggered throughout our lives... until the fear is healed. 

There are many ways to accomplish this and every spiritual tradition in the world is - at its core - a path to overcome human suffering - fear being the common problem.  It is the way we are hardwired - to survive - but, if we are born to fearful or fear-producing parents, the problem becomes profound and the suffering extreme.

I would be happy to give you feedback, so feel free to contact me.  But, the first thing to realize is that YOU are not your feelings... you are the Witness... the one watching/Observing the fearful state and how miserable it makes you feel.  And, second, understand that "believing that everything is fearful" will controls your perception... your thoughts... your feelings... and your reactions.  So unfortunately, we can only experience what we've been conditioned to BELIEVE is true.  This is why your seeking help is so important, but it also demonstrates that at your core - despite how your body feels - that you are fearless! :-) 

Comment by Candice on April 30, 2013 at 11:01am

Thanks Zack

Comment by Zack Janssen on April 30, 2013 at 9:07am
Well, it seems like your biggest challenge is going to be with your parents, your mother in particular; this continues to be a struggle with me and my father. I think this will be your biggest breakthrough and once you are at peace with this situation, the ball will start rolling and not stop.

What we must remember is that this is our life, not theirs, and we must live how we want to live. And we must be vocal about this, reminding them that this is our life and we are to do what we wish; in a subtle way, not a “you’re stupid” kind of way. When needed, their support will always be there to fall to whenever we need it. Let them be mad, upset, happy, whatever the emotion. We cannot control how they are to feel with this, and remember that they will always love you no matter what you choose to do.

And yes, I feel that fear is the child of anxiety. When we get worked up about something, or allow it to hurt us, we construct a wall to protect us from that. Strength is allowing us to fall into those places not knowing what is going to happen and walk through it with you head held high. It may or may not be the struggle you perceive it to be.

Make a declaration for what you want your life to be like, out loud, to your higher being (god, universe, what you believe in). Once this is declared, pieces will start to come together.
Comment by Gary Eby on April 27, 2013 at 9:51pm

Sending you Peace and Light. Positive beliefs always heal. Take care....Gary.

Comment by Candice on April 27, 2013 at 12:31pm

The one goal i want to do is get my license... but my mom has no faith in me and i live with both my parents.

I would like to be able to get of SSI but i would like to get a job also. Somebody said that my fear is anxiety... i have always ahd bad anxiety . I seem to surrender that go past it ... i feel like i need a lot of help right now and my mom doesnt seem to believe in me i would like to go back to counseling .Maybe a different one can help me .


Comment by Zack Janssen on April 26, 2013 at 6:30pm


I think a positive outlook is that fear is not something to be ashamed of.  Fear is a driving force that makes us stronger than others.  The trick, then, is making sure we do not surrender to fear, rather, we should learn to control it.  Controlling meaning we should be able to recognize when we are fearful, allow it to come to you, and not holding onto the fear.  Practice saying thank you for sharing when those feelings come up and picture a cloud float past (the cloud resembling a fear).


This is a different process for everyone.  For me, I make sure to take deep breaths and attack so it is not to control me, but I it.  This is going to be scary and tricky the first few times you attempt it, however, think of what the outcome will be.  Then think of how you are living now.  Which would you rather have?  That should be your driving force to empower yourself and move forward.


Another trick is not to think about it.  We often over-process things, leading us to conclusions that are not particularly true.  One big fear of mine is public speaking.  It matters not if there are 4 people or 40, I still find myself analyzing other people’s thoughts.  I take a second, a breath or two, and remember that most are not thinking what I am portraying.  If they are, it is because I am acting in such a way that would make them think that.


One final thought, and pardon the length.  Remember that these struggles are not working against us, they are working for us.  The more struggles one may have, the greater the draw-back that will propel you forward (think of it like a bow and arrow; you draw it back to send it forward).


Hope this helps in some way.  If you need anything else, you need only ask.

Comment by Charlie on April 26, 2013 at 5:09pm

Hiya Candice,

The first thing to remember is to be kind and gentle with yourself  I know this can be easier said than done sometimes, but when we learn to be gentle with ourselves it puts us in a more loving and open frame of mind. Overcoming fear (or anything for that matter) does take time and the more gentle with yourself you can be the better 

I've found a few groups on here that may have information and support that could help you:

'Confronting Fears': 

'Emotional Recovery': 

'How To Change The Negative Habits That Create Pain And Stress In Our Lives': 

'Befriending Your Mind':

If there is anything you want to share or talk through, please feel free to send me a private message as well  I don't have all the answers, but sometimes just sharing with someone can help 



Comment by Candice on April 26, 2013 at 1:43pm

I can try to help i cant guarantee anything  though.

Comment by RaK on April 26, 2013 at 1:33pm

Help us to help others, this is my formula, I always find my answer through helping someone that isnot quite sure what to do... we learn when we teach.

Comment by Candice on April 26, 2013 at 1:15pm

sure what do i exactly do ?

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