This is a life situation. Be alone. Let it hurt... Let it hurt the whole way. Go with it; CRY AND WEEP, BUT DON'T TRY TO ESCAPE.
THERE COMES A MOMENT when you have touched the very extreme, and suddenly you swing back -- but that happens only when you have touched the other extreme. It is just like the pendulum of a clock. It goes to the left, to the very extreme, then it turns. The same happens in the mind.
If you can be really sad to the very end of it, and you are not resisting it. In fact, YOU ARE RIDING ON IT AND ARE GOING INTO IT... you want to see exactly what it is and how far it can go -- you are not in any way against it, you are simply going with it. You are really in a very deep enquiry to know how much sadness is possible, how lonely one can be and how much it can hurt.
NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN KILLED BY SADNESS. Nobody has ever been killed by loneliness -- otherwise the world would have disappeared long before. If you can go to the very end of it, all the way, rushing towards the very peak of it, suddenly one moment will come when you can see the swing happening. And that is a tremendously beautiful moment -- to see energies changing. It is the same energy that becomes sadness, that becomes happiness, that becomes joy, that becomes pain. IT IS THE SAME ENERGY.
WE DON'T HAVE MANY ENERGIES -- WE HAVE ONLY ONE. That same energy becomes anger, that same energy becomes compassion. That same energy becomes love, that same energy becomes hatred. It has multi-potentialities. IT IS MULTI-DIMENSIONAL. And one has to know all its ways, because it is us! We have to know ourselves. That's what self-knowledge is.
When Socrates says 'Know thyself,' what does he mean? He simply means KNOW ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OF YOUR BEING. Sadness is a possibility. If you don't know it, you will never become aware of yourself. Self-knowledge will never happen because a part of you will remain in ignorance. So never lose any opportunity. These are God-given opportunities.
GO INTO SADNESS so deeply that you know the whole path, you know the whole pain.
AND PAIN TRANSFORMS. Pain is like fire. It melts the gold, but it purifies it. Whatsoever is accidental will be burned in it -- but whatsoever is essential will come out of it purer. Out of each sadness -- if one goes to the very end -- one will come out stronger, more grounded, centered. You will not be able to recognize your own face. You will have such a grace if you can go to the very end of it. And when it changes, you see that moment when suddenly you are on the threshold of change -- the night turning into the morning. The stars disappear and the sun is rising on the horizon. The very darkness becomes light and dawn. It is one of the most beautiful experiences that man can ever have.
BUT WE MISS BECAUSE WE NEVER GO TO THE VERY END. We fight. We somehow manage and manipulate ourselves to be with somebody, to create some sort of happiness... just to avoid it. Of course then that happiness is also bogus. It is not true, it cannot be true -- because your inner being was ready to go to the very end of sadness and you created a contradiction: you enforce some false happiness. The energy was going in one direction and you are forcing it into another. You can force it -- it is your energy -- but whatsoever the outcome is, it will be unnatural.
Happiness will be there, but it will not be real. REAL HAPPINESS COMES OUT OF REAL UNHAPPINESS -- because only the real can be transformed into the real. This is the base of all alchemical work. The real can be changed only into the real. Even the baser metal can be changed into gold, but it should be real.
SO GO WITH IT! Have a real trip to hell. Visit hell -- and go deliberately. The faster you go and the more whole-heartedly you go, the sooner you will reach to the end. It can be reached in a single moment -- it depends on the intensity and how fast you go into it. IF YOU DON'T FIGHT, THE ENERGY WILL TAKE YOU. In a single moment, you can reach to the very boundary of sadness... and you can see the dawn, the sun rising, and the energy changing of its own accord. But you are not making any effort to change.
The Passion for the Impossible
Ch #17, a darshan diary
pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium