After his stroke on December 3rd, he was in the hospital for a few weeks and then he went to an alzheimers unit to get him stabilized enough for him to have the surgery he needs, with the ultimate goal being the hope that he will get to come back home again after a few months or so.

We don't always understand what he's saying as he mixes words up and sometimes makes up words, but there is one constant thing he says that he says correctly, and that is that he's ready to go home with me. And this is what breaks my heart because I can't give him what he wants and it makes him sad, confused and scared. But I'm going to work hard to do anything and everything I can to help make his wish come true at some point. I may fail, but I'll never give up. When he went to the alzheimers unit, we were going to get him used to taking his medications and get him "regulated" and they were going to start both speech and occupational therapy with him. I asked them if they wouldn't mind letting me be there for the therapy sessions and teach me anything they could so that IF there is a chance for him to come home, I will be as prepared as possible to do the very best job I can for him.

Well... on December 29, he became volatile and combative one night at the alzheimers unit and they suspected he had another stroke. So, that night he went back to the hospital, where he remains to this day. Tomorrow, Wednesday January 14 I meet with the doctor and social worker to find out what the next step will be. After the 2nd stroke on Dec 29, everything went even further downhill. At this point, he's not a candidate for the surgery he needs. He does have a few better than worse days, but for the most part, since the 2nd stroke he usually refuses to take his medicine and then they have to give him a shot for at least one of them. He's regularly combative and he's barely eating now. So, we need to try to get him to take the medicine and eat and then we can hopefully... maybe.. hopefully... get back to trying the therapies and getting him on the road to recovery, or at least to being stabilized.

The doctors are not optimistic with his situation and they keep me very informed, but there are still chances here and I will not give up on him. I have hope in those chances, there is hope. I will keep driving the medical people crazy everyday fighting for him to make sure that everything I'm being told is being done or attempted and what else can be done if that can't. And I will work with him to help him get better if that is God's will.

And if that is not God's will, I will be there with him until the very end.

I will never give up hope.

I love and miss you all very much.

Love and Compassion.

Much Metta,

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Comment by Miela Reign on May 19, 2009 at 7:10pm
I feel for you because as much as I love my grandmother and try to be there for her, I have felt so hurt when her attacks were directed towards me. With so many people that have spoken on natural healing there have been times that I've even tried to lay hands on her and pray for her and it has hurt my heart to see little, if no change... consistently. Please keep me posted on his condition because maybe something that changes for you might help me...
Comment by GAIL on May 3, 2009 at 11:26pm
as im reading your page im feeling healing.deep understanding and then how are you keeping sane.youre definately keeping me lose both mothers.i am also caring for a mother who suffered 2 strokes.your dad needs peace.all love...gail
Comment by Sheryl Robinson on March 2, 2009 at 1:06am
You are absolutely amazing... what a beacon of Light you are for your father... for this universe... You are the epitome of strength... compassion... grace... wisdom... Light... Love. Thank you for your kind words on my page... I read them and felt you "knew" me... then realized you do : ) I am still learning to open myself up to allow myself to recieve and give Love freely... I had allowed myself to become quite jaded and emmeshed in drama and desire : ) not believing I am worthy of embracing my Divinity... crazy, I know : ) I am ready to rise above... BEing true to myself and others. The alternative undoubtedly has wonded myself and many of those that I love... sending ripples infinitely... I am working on letting go of my past so that I can truly heal so I can in turn help others heal... I have not had access to internet for several weeks... and came back to find you.... wow... what an amazing warrior of Light you are... I can relate to so much... and am so very inspired by your path... I have kept the door shut on the Light for soooo long... and I have finally taken it off the hinges to fully allow the Light in... and out : ) Thank God!! What a Divine blessing to know you... I am sending you and yours healing Love and Light... always... holding sacred space for you and yours... You are the Light of this world... sincerely... I look forward to spreading Love and Light with you.
Infinite Love... Light... and Possibility... Always.
Sheryl : )
Love : )
Comment by Charlene Hancz on March 1, 2009 at 6:58pm
How awesome that we're finding each other here! So many similarities... Just a part of all of us being one.
My mother passed over in 2003 on my birthday. Many people even now tell me they're sorry that it happened on that day especially. I praise God & thank him for it! Mom suffered from cancer & there was no hope left for a cure or remission. We had all been praying that Spirit would take her home. He chose to end her earthly suffering on a day we had intimately shared, my birthday.
My beautiful Step-Mom Faye had Alzheimers. My father was 82 and taking care of her in their condo. He finally told me how bad she REALLY was & I helped with her care as long as it was possible. Finally we had to take her to a nursing home. I went to see her almost everyday especially at lunch time so I could feed her. She was a beautiful spirit & a good friend. It was very painful to see her decline. Her speech became garbled & eventually she became violent. Not like her at all. Talking about my dad or about Gods love always seemed to calm her, even when we were told she didn't understand us. I think she did, that she didn't lose her ability to think or understand, just the ability to communicate. She passed over about a year after daddy did.... That's another story....
DADDY! What an awesome man! He passed over 2-16-07 at the age of 89, just 3 weeks before his 90th birthday. He was active up to 2 weeks before he passed. That past summer he still had his garden with 66 hills of tomatoes. He fed the whole town it seemed with his vegetables! Anyway, sharing daddy's passing is the reason for this LONG comment! I hope when the time comes for you & your dad it will be as beautiful as it was for my father & me. Dad had a hemmorage somewhere in his head (it was never really explained to us...) & he was in the hospital from 2-10 until he passed on 2-26. I was with him the whole time & never left his side. He told me 3 days before that he knew he was dying & that he was "ok" with it. When he actually passed, I was sitting on the bed with him, kissing & touching his face. He was peaceful, very much so. He was relaxed (after pain meds) but getting very weak. He couldn't open his eyes but was stroking my hand. He started smiling. I asked him if he was seeing something & he nodded yes. He could no longer speak so I asked him questions about if he was seeing certain people who crossed over. Sometimes he would shake his head no, but most of the time yes. He saw his mom & dad, my mom & several others. Then his face lit up HUGE! And such a smile! He saw a light. I walked with him to the light & we said our final goodbye for this lifetime. Never had I seen such peace in his face. A wonderful crossing for a fantastic father & for me!
It's a blessing for others that you've been there for them. I send light, love & energy to both you & your dad & pray that your experience with him is as fulfilling as ours was.
*HUGS* Char
Comment by bear Medicinewalker on January 28, 2009 at 12:14am
I have just gone through this with my Mother. It is one of the hardest things we face as children. And even though we know that one day it will come to our doorstep, nothing will ever prepare you for it. I will tell you the pain is raw, the helplessness you will feel will be overpowering...and the stress will be huge. But one thing that must remain constant...YOU MUST NOT feel GUILT for any of it. You are spending the time and honoring thier spirits as you know is right. I have walked a similar path as you with death...wether it is little deaths or actual death itself. We are strong, and we are surrounded with light.

We have FAITH...and in a storm you will stand strong, and within the pain you remember the joys...for it creates balance. I will be here if you need an ear...Angels are around you, use them to temper what is happening around you. Get rest when you can...

Remember too, even though they seem to be lost and not know what is going on, it is my beleif that they are lost within thier own minds. And I can not even begin to understand the feeling that must be happening to them as they try to communicate to the outside world. My Mother in her moments of lucidity would often say, I can't make my brain slow down, and what I want to say comes out backwords...the one constant we always knew and told each other was that we loved each other. Trust that...inside they still are there...they still love us, even more I believe for they can see how much we love them.
may the light surround you and keep you strong am here if you need me.

Much Love
the bear
Comment by Lighthouse on January 27, 2009 at 8:23pm
Dear Pranayama.....

Thank you so much for honoring me, despite your own sorrows....

I know exactly how you feel inside, having experienced myself the feeling of helplessness when it comes to intensive care.... What renders us strong is hope. But not hope in the common sense, rather that every situation, even the most adverse one, bears its own set of MEANING.
It is our life-task to detach us from the vales of despair and to climb those mountains od meaning and balance their rims for getting a 360 degree view of the situation and the so far unseen horizons.....

In just BEing for your father you are already HEALING....
See enclosed picture....

Comment by Mary on January 25, 2009 at 7:23am
Dear Sweet Angel:

Showering you both with Love, Light and Prayers...

Comment by NyteWolf on January 23, 2009 at 2:11am
Sweet One,
You are a blessed soul, indeed.A loving daughter to your Father and an Angel to those you assist in crossing over.You are doing all you can to help your Father and know that loving him as you do is the ultimate healing touch for his soul. We know it is in God/Goddess' hands and I send you Reiki love and healing thoughts.
***Hugs, Love and Light,
Comment by maria on January 21, 2009 at 10:54pm
My dear friend, many blessings and love to you and your father Maria xxx
Comment by Helen Ryle on January 21, 2009 at 4:08pm
Dear friend,
Sending you and your Father reiki blessings for the highest good, to support you both through this challenging time on your journeys.
Love and light from Ireland, Helen x

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